Funny Status Messages

   The Coronavirus is like pasta. The Chinese invented it, but the Italians are spreading it all over the world.

   My husband said the doctor told him I can suck out his kidney stone. After 3 days of trying, I think he lied to me.

   tested positive for missing my homies

   How long are we supposed to do this social distancing thing? My wife keeps trying to get back into the house.

   For the first time since 1945, the Scripps National Spelling Bee has been cancul... cancill... cansi... called off.

   Neighbor's python just swallowed my Paula Abdul CD. He's a cold hearted snake.

   Dear YouTube: Please just assume that I'd like to "skip ad". You don't need to ask anymore.

   If I had known the kind of people my classmates would grow up to be. I would have beaten a lot more of them up.

   In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.

   There's too many people out here who have the balls to state their opinion. But not enough balls to be that person who makes ish happen.

   "Mmmm. I like that. That smells nice. I'm gonna piss on it." - Dogs. And R. Kelly.

   Judging from the numerous semi-naked profile pics I come across on facebook, I would say the porn industry will never have to worry about shortage of labour.

   I gave up "Olympic Synchronized Swimming" for lent....This is gonna be tough!

   I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well

   Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco one more sec

   There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.

   Heat wave....ts above 25 degrees for the 2nd straight day!!

   I'm not tall enough to ride my own emotional roller coaster.

   my date last night had something between her boobs I never expected to see there - her belly button

   Don't listen to your heart. It has no idea what's good for you.