Funny Status Messages

   Honk if you are flying south for the winter in a V formation.

   Politician: someone who only opens their mouth to change feet.

   "Mmmm. I like that. That smells nice. I'm gonna piss on it." - Dogs. And R. Kelly.

   There's too many people out here who have the balls to state their opinion. But not enough balls to be that person who makes ish happen.

   Judging from the numerous semi-naked profile pics I come across on facebook, I would say the porn industry will never have to worry about shortage of labour.

   In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker.

   I gave up "Olympic Synchronized Swimming" for lent....This is gonna be tough!

   I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well

   Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco one more sec

   There's that little bit of you that secretly thinks you'll be famous some day.

   Heat wave....ts above 25 degrees for the 2nd straight day!!

   I'm not tall enough to ride my own emotional roller coaster.

   Don't listen to your heart. It has no idea what's good for you.

   Silence is only golden when the person you really want to shut up does it.

   The way things are going in Washington, it probably won't be long until you'll have to get a permit just to shoot the breeze.

   Alphabet soup is just soup when you can't read

   Its not you, it's how you don't make me sandwiches.

   Some of my best relationships have been the ones I didn’t understand.

   my date last night had something between her boobs I never expected to see there - her belly button

   Facebook is the most confusing dating site I have ever been on.