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I don't drink milk often but when I do I prefer Dos Titties 
Hitler should have done the world a favour and wiped out the towel heads instead.
If Obama was Pepsi and Romney was Coca-Cola, then I would definitely drink water or tea.
Question... Can I pay for pùssÿ with foodstamps if I plan on eating it?
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
just Googled his Twitter all over your Facebook
Feeling a little groggy today. I think my check-engine light has come on.
Should I get a puppy, or have a child? Well, I would rather ruin my carpet, than ruin my life.
wants to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.
Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.
Rosa Parks wasn't trying to make a political statement , her ass was just tired .
Little known fact… NASA put a man on the moon with less computer memory than you use when taking a picture on your iPhone.
wondering if they make psycho repellent?!
if NFL doesn't want Michael Vick back....my local animal shelter is looking for a pooper scooper!
duct tape is like violence: If it's not working, you're not using enough of it.
Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoe. Can't stand me? Sit down. Can't face me? Turn around and start walking!
heard that Tiger Woods just sent Jesse James a Thank You note... and a bottle of penecillen.
I don't always watch porn... but when I do... I prefer Tres Equis... Stay horny my friends...
"Girl, you must have farted, cuz you blew me away"--Using this pick up line as soon as the opportunity presents it self lmfao
I don't know why they need a whole month, they get the busiest Friday of the year 