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They say that we are what we eat. That means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes! 
I made food for my son, set it in front of him like he was going to eat it and then we just laughed and laughed.
August is National Catfish Month. Some of you should celebrate.
They don't warn of how powerful and invincible you feel wearing a rain poncho.
Blenders: You buy them with the intention on making healthy smoothies but end up making some kick a$$ margaritas.
I'm a terrible human because I really can't stand to hear anyone hiccuping, coughing, sniffing or breathing....
When my printer jams, I do what any logical male would do; I go buy a new printer.
Nothing can equate to the horror of looking a wheelchair bound person in the eye as you finally exit the handicapped stall.
Ryan Lochte now claims Colin Powell suggested he lie about being robbed at gunpoint.
Imagine what Star Wars was rated before they censored all of R2-D2's lines.
You're an adult. Stop hashtagging full sentences on Facebook.
It's not that hard to figure out a woman.,, just leave her alone when she wants you to,,, Woah woah woah, not that much..... Ok, now she's mad
Leia walks into the bedroom to find Han staring at himself in the mirror,, holding bagels over his ears.
Just wish Bond movies give a more realistic view of how long it takes valet parking to fetch your car.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to divorce. They've already adopted a team of lawyers.
A woman's crazy is like an iceberg. 90% of it is not visible.
Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
The year is 2027. Thousands of missing women are unable to be found because they look nothing like the pictures they post on the Internet.
Visiting my parents today. So, ask me anything about local news.
I haven't checked the chinese calendar yet but I'm betting this is the year of the Clown. 