Funny Status Messages

   noticed that all the girls from his year at school that thought they were too good for me are now either fat, ugly or a frieky combination of the 2. Funny how the tables have turned.

   says that nothing is IMPOSSIBLE, the word itself says I'M POSSIBLE !

   thinks we should keep the Earth clean. It's not Uranus.

   You know you're getting old when Happy hour is your nap.

   taking a train to the land of make believe

   more confused than a baby in a topless bar.

   thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians

   Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember

   our finger prints last forever on the people we touch

   Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?

   Ready for my new work out video ABS of BEER!

   I have my own way of doing things... generally clumsy and usually late.

   They say the universe is expanding...shouldn't that ease up the traffic?

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   I've got all the money I'll ever need....... as long as I die by four o'clock this afternoon.

   has been temporarily disconnected from AT&T...and my iPhone...where in the hell am I?!

   Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.

   The best audience is one that is intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk."

   Sometimes in order to see the light, you must blind yourself to bullsh*t

   The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.