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trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be. 
Aren't the "good things that come to those who wait" really just leftovers from people who got there first?
"Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.
those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes
wanted to burn some calories today, so I set fire to a fat kid.
noticed that all the girls from his year at school that thought they were too good for me are now either fat, ugly or a frieky combination of the 2. Funny how the tables have turned.
says that nothing is IMPOSSIBLE, the word itself says I'M POSSIBLE !
thinks we should keep the Earth clean. It's not Uranus.
You know you're getting old when Happy hour is your nap.
taking a train to the land of make believe
more confused than a baby in a topless bar.
Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?
Ready for my new work out video ABS of BEER!
I have my own way of doing things... generally clumsy and usually late.
They say the universe is expanding...shouldn't that ease up the traffic?
thought the iPad was for the iPod for Bostonians
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember
our finger prints last forever on the people we touch
Sometimes in order to see the light, you must blind yourself to bullsh*t
The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.
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