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It'll be awesome if Danica Patrick ever starts first so we can hear “Danica is on the pole!” over and over! 
I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...
ts no fun insulting people that are too damn stupid to even realize it!
Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine “want” power.
Let's keep in touch but only by our genitals.
There are two types of women. Those who become angry for NOTHING and those who get angry for EVERYTHING.
If Kim Kardashian was the answer...... the question must have been reeeeeally stupid.
My Wife's MENU has only two items: Eat it OR Leave it.
From now on just cross your heart, I'll take care of the hope you die part.
Teacher: Johnny,Use the word HARASSMENT in a Sentence..... Johnny: I was in Love with a girl and...Her-ass-meant a lot to me
Sorry I used your hummus dip to exfoliate my feet.
Forgive me, for I have sinned. Same time tomorrow?
My wife says I only have two faults. #1. I don't pay enough attention to her. #2. And something else.
Free to a good home. My Bill Cosby vinyl collection.
Stop talking about the Royal Wedding, your cats are sick of hearing about it.
I know how to save 'Roseanne'. Name it 'Dan'.
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
Always plan ahead...... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Everyone's a submissive if you squeeze their throat hard enough.
If athletes get athlete's foot and tennis players get tennis elbow. What do gynecologists get........ Tunnel vision. 