aaron Funny Status Messages

   Well, at least the war on the environment is going well...

   Walk into any flower shop and ask to see the chlamydias. That never gets old.

   Realized I never said "unquote" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare

   If men stopped holding doors open for them, would ladies just pile up outside?

   You could learn a lot by listening. So shut up and let me talk.

   Squirrelly, squirrelly on the street--you shoulda been quicker on your feet.

   No, your *other* counterclockwise.

   The most disturbing part of those Orkin commercials is that the people seem used to speaking with 6 foot tall insects.

   If you guys were at a bar right now I'd burst through the door & say "Drinks are on me!" Then I'd go to the bathroom & climb out the window.

   I like to stare at people. If they try to leave I put one finger on my ear and say The Buffalo is roaming. I repeat The Buffalo is roaming.

   Cavemen would feel right at home in the 21st century if they watched our commercials.

   Saw a headline that read 'Woman beats off rapist' and thought.. Well that seems like a reasonable compromise.

   Jupiter's gravitational pull is so strong that we use it to help thrust our probes deeper into space...

   It's cool to visit Mount Rushmore and remember the good old days, when a four-headed rock monster was President.

   Never turn your back on a charging turtle.

   I was going to collect homeless people, but they lose a lot of their value as soon as you take them out of their cardboard boxes.

   For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

   Q. What do you call a French man in sandals? A. Philippe Philoppe

   People who take the elevator up one floor should wear signs reading "I quit trying at life long ago."

   Facebook is in a relationship with the stock market and it's complicated.