SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Kill your haters with kindness. Gift wrap explosives.

   Ever get the feeling you're living in a snowglobe someone won't stop shaking?

   "Dr. Oz" sounds like the guy you'd buy shrooms from in community college.

   The later I get, the drunker it is.

   Whenever a women's magazine has a "Sex Tips to Drive Him Wild!" article, it always just says "Put your finger up his butt."

   I believe an increase in the availability of jeans with elastic waist bands would boost America's morale immeasurably.

   Is marshmallow a vegetable or a fruit?

   All answers questioned here.

   "They're meh." --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days

   Say what you want about Buffalo Bill but that guy had phenomenal sewing skills.

   If you come to my front door with a clip board I will just ask you if your clip board is an ipad until you leave.

   If I were a ghost, I would dress like a Sea Captain just to play into the stereotype.

   My new year resolution is 1024×768 pixels.

   The thermostat outside ran out of numbers and is just showing a picture of Halle Berry. THAT'S how hot it is outside.

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   Uh, excuse me, Mr. Swagger, Either walk a little faster or buy a belt. Thanks, homie.

   Just got off the phone with my bookie. If the space junk hits any of the members of Nickelback I will be a very wealthy man.

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs.

   That'll do, Jamie Lee Curtis. I think we are all now sufficiently aware of how well and often you poop. Enough.

   When I see someone driving the same car I'm driving, I always peer in to make sure it's not me from another dimension.