totalpackage Funny Status Messages

   Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ

   I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ

   How come I always get the fortune cookie that likes to be a smart-ass?

   Why is it when deer decide to commit suicide they always choose my car as the weapon of choice!? :/

   I think I may be getting too old for a holiday metro vest and skinny jeans....Which most likely explains the weird looks I was getting when I split my pants while shopping at Hot Topic!

   Seems kinda strange we couldn't get even one post mortem pic of Bin Laden but nobody seems to mind Gadhafi showing up at back yard picnics and local supermarket meat freezers like he's starring in the sequel to "A Weekend At Bernie's".....Go figure!

   I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

   heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!

   has become a master at using shake weights...I guess those trombone lessons paid off after all!

   I don't mind drinking 1% milk as long as the other other 99% is some combination of vodka and Kahlua.

   My pharmacist mixed up my Valiuum prescription with Viaagra...It didn't help my anxiety much, but it gave me a great place to hang my hat! ツ

   it just me or does Pink's new hair do make her look like Mo Howard?

   Bye bye "San-butt-sky"!!! 422 years won't be so bad...With good bahavior you'll be out in 200 or so...So long dirtbag!!!

   If you live anywhere near the "Occupy Wall Street" protest, I suggest you NOT dress up as a Port-O-Potty this Halloween!

   Damn, it's muggy out there.....I'm sweatin' worse than John Travolta's massage therapist! ツ

   I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ

   With Lindsay Lohan doubling duty between a Playboy shoot and working at the L.A. county morgue, it should be interesting to see what she wears for Halloween...I haven't spotted any zombie, prison striped, part time lesbian, boozing, kleptomaniac, playboy

   My car is getting pressure washed...So far, Sandy is dandy!

   I just noticed that giving the Kirby vacuum salesman a pot brownie made the price of the unit much more negotiable! ツ

   Whats up this video of a dude with a huge zit on the back of his neck going around facebook?.....I'd rather be stuck at the bottom of "Mike & Molly's" ass pile than have to watch some wonderlick pop a giganic tumor-like pustule!