paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

   he let me duct tape his mouth because I said it was my fetish, I really just wanted him to shut up

   I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness

   Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

   I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

   "Hey Dog the Bounty Hunter!" F#CK YOU!" Sincerely Waldo

   just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."

   Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...

   If you're wearing sweat pants either you just worked out or you've never worked out.

   Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. The Internet in a nutshell.

   So, someone in Olympia Washington stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That sums up my day....you?

   I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll have sex with me

   Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

   Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a Honda Accord

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the cl!toris is

   Every 7-eleven needs a task force NOT named Punjab, Aadarsh, Aachman, Aadesh ,Aadi ,Aadidev ,Aafreen ,Aaka ,Aandaleeb to keep the slurpee machine running because this sh*t is UNACCEPTABLE.