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Some DJ keeps calling my phone and leaving me mixed messages.
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03-05-2012 23:33 by
Zinc
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I can cope with voices in my head but it is the voices outside my head that are going to drive me crazy.
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03-17-2016 12:10 by
Zinc
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This Cinco de Mayo, let's party like Mexican rock stars if they existed.
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05-03-2017 18:25 by
Zinc
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glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by both men as well as women.
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12-30-2011 01:55 by
Zinc
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life is short…smile while you still have teeth
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05-23-2016 16:20 by
Zinc
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My New Year's Resolution? 1080p.
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12-01-2011 00:55 by
Zinc
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I just realized that sometimes I can be a little condescending (that means I talk down to people).
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05-28-2013 01:27 by
Zinc
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Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
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05-22-2013 00:47 by
Zinc
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
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01-12-2015 13:19 by
Zinc
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I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy.
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12-29-2012 16:02 by
Zinc
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Came home to find all the doors and windows open and everything gone..what kind of sick person would do that to someone's advent calendar??
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12-01-2011 00:47 by
Zinc
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Did I already post my Alzheimer update?
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03-05-2012 23:20 by
Zinc
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Just tried to change my password to 'Twilight,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there's too many useless characters.
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05-29-2013 17:29 by
Zinc
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Nice try, St. Patrick’s Day, but I don’t need a reason to drink.
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03-17-2016 11:37 by
Zinc
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Don't think of it as 5-day-old pizza you found in the fridge, think of it as...pizza jerky.
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07-02-2013 14:32 by
Zinc
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NASA found methane on Mars! Proving once again that no matter how ancient a civilization is, it's farts that truly endure.
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01-11-2015 21:06 by
Zinc
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0
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Drank way too much beer last night. Didn't leave any for this morning.
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05-22-2013 00:38 by
Zinc
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i was winning egg hunts before I was even born
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04-03-2013 02:01 by
Zinc
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Michael Phelps probaby just threw away any of his medals that weren't gold.
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08-03-2012 00:54 by
Zinc
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If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno
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10-10-2012 16:28 by
Zinc
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