HAHA Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that Tampax advertisements always shows women ice skating, dancing or playing tennis. The only activity my wife partakes in at that time of the month is biting my head off.

   Wednesday is known as "hump day". But to my dog, everyday is hump day.

   There's an easy way to convert your sofa into a sofabed...... Forget the wife's birthday.

   If meterorologist are people who studies the weather. Are people who study meteors weatherologist?

   "Almond milk will now be known as white stuff from nuts."

   To make perfect chilli only use 239 beans. If you add one more it willbe too farty.

   The only good thing about inflation. It allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without having to move.

   Light travels faster then sound. This is why some people appear bright untill you hear them speak.

   There's nothing to FEAR, but the book FEAR itself

   Alcohol doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean..... Against the walls, tables, chairs ect ect

   I'am a compulsive liar Everything I say is a lie And that is the truth.... "BELIEVE ME"

   What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.

   When we were kids my sister played with dolls and I played with soldiers. Now it's the other way round.

   There are 3 unwritten rules fop a good life. #1.........................#2........................ #3.........................

   My bucket list..... 1. Bucket 2. Ice 3. 6pk beer.

   Red sox clinch world series. L.A. Dodgers won't have to go to white house. So who's the real winner?

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.

   When the police shut down the town brothel. There was a sign that read, beat it, this brothel is closed.

   given your computer the Swine Flu Virus

   What do yot get when you slip in water?............ A waterfall.