Gman Funny Status Messages

   We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

   If they weren't meant to be used to get attention, God would've put boobs in a different place.

   You know you've made wonderful choices in life when you're proud of yourself for not being drunk before lunch.

   Some women are born to greatness, some have it thrust into them.

   Gatorade's motto is "Is it in you?" ... Coincidentally, that was also MY motto the first several times I tried to have sex

   The Netherlands have 800 miles of massive dikes? That's one hell of a parade.

   My Dentist says I need to be more aggressive when flossing, so I'm going to start barking.

   Sarah Palin wants to trade Mark her name. What the hell's Mark gonna do with it??

   The early worm gets the bird. ┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐

   If her ass had a red "you are here" dot on it, I'd never get lost in thought.

   If the bank wanted the security picture on the front of my debit card to be accurate for my account, they would've let me frown.

   I read someone gets divorced every 10 to 13 seconds. I'm not one to judge people, but that guy gets married wayyy too much.

   What prescription was Peter on that caused cotton tail? I've had cotton mouth, but can't even imagine having a parched behind. Poor Peter.

   The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard.

   eating bacon with Mohammed.

   I can't believe UPS stole the "What can brown do for you?" slogan from Ex-Lax. Ain't that some sh*t?

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.

   It would have been a more believable story if Jesus had died on a Monday and then rose again on a Saturday, just like I do every week.