Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Because we're all so offensive and opinionated, anything about politics, religion, race, current events, and alcohol will always get the most votes and comments.

   contains Adult language, Mild Violence, Brief Nudity and Strong Sexual Content. Viewer discretion is NOT advised.

   "I'm Tom Bodett of Motel 6, we'll leave the Lysol on for ya"

   Me: "What was your major in college?" Friend: "I'm majoring in Debtology and Unemployconomics. Sure is a lot of students in the classes."

   YOUR interest in your own kids: 100% Everybody else's interest in YOUR kids: 0.3%

   If you hated taking quizzes in school, why the hell are you doing them on Facebook......and putting them on my News Feed?

   Tips for Guys on Valentine's Day: Tell your girl you already got somethingn and make her guess. She'll automatically list things she want.

   Could you put some creativity in your pics. Nobody wants to see you make the same face 8 different ways.

   You've been backstabbed, rejected, unwanted, abandoned, betrayed, tricked, lied to, ridiculed, cheated on, heartbroken, defeated, and said NO to all your life...Did it kill you? Of course not...just made you stronger. USE IT.

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   It's Thanksgiving. Don't forget to set your scale forward 45 lbs. ahead.

   You're born looking like your parents, but you'll die looking like your decisions.

   Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.

   you have thousands of friends, but very little comments....What does that tell you?

   I'm glad people don't talk the way they spell, text, or type.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door. I always let the dog in first because at least its shuts up when it gets in the house.

   My girlfriend said she needed some time alone to herself, so I set her up a Myspace account.

   luckily for some adults, illiteracy is not a crime.

   You're so creative taking pictures of your face in 11 different angles with your phone. How do you do it??