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lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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Page: 3 of 44
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
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01-29-2010 19:34 by
Lemonpillow
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0
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
507
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03-22-2011 14:28 by
lemonpillow
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2
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The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least,that's what the restraining order says.
169
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02-20-2010 21:56 by
Lemonpillow
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0
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.
90
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10-26-2010 12:11 by
lemonpillow
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I have no problem giving credit where credit is due. It's giving payment where payment is due is where I struggle.
45
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02-19-2010 21:12 by
Lemonpillow
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An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
253
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05-21-2010 17:39 by
lemonpillow
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0
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Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!
281
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04-23-2010 03:53 by
Lemonpillow
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Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
118
21
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09-13-2010 14:10 by
lemonpillow
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35
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I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.
146
26
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10-02-2010 07:38 by
lemonpillow
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The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.
168
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01-12-2013 14:01 by
lemonpillow
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0
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I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
112
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02-06-2010 03:21 by
lemonpillow
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0
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Sunday marks the birth of America, which Americans celebrate by combining their love of drinking with their love of explosives.
84
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07-03-2010 08:36 by
lemonpillow
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0
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Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
84
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02-13-2010 15:13 by
lemonpillow
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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07-04-2010 14:54 by
lemonpillow
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1
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Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
56
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09-15-2010 13:35 by
lemonpillow
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0
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An office Christmas party is not a good time to ask the boss for a raise. Wait until the next day when you have pictures.
56
10
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12-21-2010 15:17 by
lemonpillow
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It's been announced that Nigeria has 22,980,000 internet users. I've received emails from every single one.
56
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04-13-2010 07:33 by
Lemonpillow
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0
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Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.
56
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06-14-2010 12:34 by
lemonpillow
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There's nothing wrong with having sex with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.
28
5
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07-12-2010 01:52 by
lemonpillow
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0
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Most popular iPhone App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.
28
5
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07-20-2010 18:40 by
lemonpillow
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