JAKE Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon While weighting my self on the bathroom scale I sucked in my gut. My wife laugh and said do you think that's help you weigh less ? I said no but it does help me to see how much I weigh.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 15:13 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 01:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 01:49 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 03:57 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 18:35 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man's home is his castle. Untill the queen comes home.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.
←Rate | 12-30-2009 08:18 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why don't witches wear panties? Because they get a better grip on their brooms without them.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 20:07 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A medical survey says that masturbating twice a week can increase your life expectancy. If true, I'm going to live forever.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 01:16 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon For the past 20 years I've got a valentine card from a secret admirer. And was sad when I didn't get one this year. Frist my meemaw dies, now this.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember how proud my wife was when she taught our baby son how to walk and talk. Now that he's 5 she's trying to teach him to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:34 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 00:34 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most wives don't mind if their husband brings some work home with them to do. But my sister sure does. Her husband is a mortician.
←Rate | 09-01-2017 23:28 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another good feeling. Waking up and realizing that it's sunday and not monday morning. AAAAAH......zzzzzzz.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:17 by Jake Comments (1)  

   messageicon Teacher: Billy, what rhymes with orange? Billy: No it doesn't.
←Rate | 10-13-2017 17:44 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster
←Rate | 09-15-2009 12:13 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being energy efficient. When I saw an advertisment for a solar power clothes dryer. I ordered one. What I receive was a 25 foot clothes-line and a pack of 50 clothes pins.
←Rate | 09-22-2017 16:15 by Jake Comments (0)  

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