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Doc Noland Funny Status Messages
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If by handyman you mean someone with a nice collection of wrenches that came with unassembled furniture then yes, I'm a handyman...
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07-20-2015 23:07 by
Doc Noland
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I could never have a threesome because I would just be apologizing twice as much the whole time.
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11-14-2011 10:18 by
Doc Noland
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it weird that one of my nuts is bigger than the other two?
83
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10-31-2011 19:50 by
Doc Noland
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All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
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12-31-2012 14:39 by
Doc Noland
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just heard a woodpecker call me a "paranoid weirdo" in morse code.
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10-07-2012 08:55 by
Doc Noland
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Bath salts side effects include: hallucinations, delusions, erratic behavior, immunity to bullets and being a terrible kisser.
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06-01-2012 19:52 by
Doc Noland
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Kim Kardashian requests her privacy during this time. Just her, an E! camera crew & 30 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.
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10-31-2011 19:59 by
Doc Noland
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I'm so good in bed...I'll make you forget your safe word.
36
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09-26-2012 08:38 by
Doc Noland
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"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
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02-06-2013 10:59 by
Doc Noland
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The saddest part in The Lion King 3D is that part when I can't afford a movie ticket at 27 years old.
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10-19-2011 19:55 by
Doc Noland
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The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
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02-08-2014 19:53 by
Doc Noland
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Really Baileys? Non alcoholic coffee creamers? Is that to recover from the O'Doul's hangover?
41
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10-29-2012 08:45 by
Doc Noland
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I am pretty sure I have regained my virginity.
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10-12-2012 09:27 by
Doc Noland
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I know my dream woman is out there somewhere. And that her boring friend is the one who's into me.
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08-12-2011 01:20 by
Doc Noland
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I'm not so much anti-social as I am pro-being left alone.
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08-13-2011 21:07 by
Doc Noland
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National Sarcasm Society - Like we need your support...
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01-04-2012 05:31 by
Doc Noland
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Another Twilight movie?God I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.
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11-15-2012 21:18 by
Doc Noland
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If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a drunk white woman having her picture taken in the club.
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01-21-2012 20:22 by
Doc Noland
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My ex assured me that size never matter, but all of her dild@s look like they needed a lamp shade on top.
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05-11-2012 20:19 by
Doc Noland
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Just spilled Whiskey all over my insides!
30
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04-14-2012 20:52 by
Doc Noland
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