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If good things come to those who wait, then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming!
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04-11-2011 15:44 by
Marshall the Great
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I wonder if my life would be better if I wrapped it in bacon?
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04-12-2011 16:11 by
Paul
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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
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09-20-2013 23:58
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Someone's gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves
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12-28-2013 06:57 by
Huck
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Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan?
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01-02-2012 20:38 by
@OMFG_Rel8able
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Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn't give them a progress report every week.
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04-08-2013 01:06
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I tried ordering one of Justin Bieber's CDs for my niece's birthday on Amazon. Amazon said "costumers who bought this also bought a rope and a stool."
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03-03-2013 00:46 by
Czovczov
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Boat on land. Worst escape vehicle ever.
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04-19-2013 20:51 by
@RonnieChapman
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Let's face it... Seeing a cameltoe in leapord print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on a safari...
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07-18-2013 22:24 by
William
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Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
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09-05-2013 17:43 by
Aaron
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I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
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11-13-2012 05:05 by
hihuggiehi
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Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest ..... Eat a banana!
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02-03-2013 12:31 by
@zubindalal1
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I'd kill for a microwave that plays Europe's “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
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02-04-2013 14:52 by
JEBI
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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03-29-2014 09:08 by
Daheavy1
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Did Kanye really just tell a dude who can play like 14 instruments that he should give his Grammy to a woman who needs 4 writers for one song?
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02-10-2015 10:50
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When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
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10-19-2013 22:36 by
griff
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If I have a erection lasting 4 hours i'm not calling a doctor...I'm calling a film crew!
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10-19-2010 22:03
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as Vice-President of Toyota I would like to say please dial 1800-our-bad.
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02-04-2010 18:02 by
Aaron
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Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...
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05-16-2010 12:30 by
82
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0
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Ahh..Monday, so we meet again... You dirty b*tch
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06-07-2010 14:54
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