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waiting alone in the car; Everyone outside automatically becomes a rapist... 
The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.
"Will you just be doing simple abductions? Do you need soundproofing? Shackle package?" - van salesman
Someone told me a while back. Your not in a relationship unless its official on Facebook. I just wanted to slap em right there.
I'm too self centered to be a stalker.
What? Wait! You mean you can log out?
Don't borrow vinegar from your neighbor if they have to get the bottle out of the bathroom!
Monday is like a kid having sex for the first time...it came too soon!
I'm no gynecologist, but I know a c*nt when I see one.
You should appreciate my sacrasm, if I told you the truth it would be a HUGE blow to your self esteem.
The world would be a better place without guns. Then we could focus on important things...like how to kill a man with one punch.
I'm lovin' my new Air Jordans even if they do smell like Pepper Spray..........
Happy New Year everybody! I know its a bit early but I often suffer from premature congratulations!. :(
Part of me says "I can wear my sunglasses at night"...But the other part says "Fool you know you clumsy enough in the daytime"...
Just read "The Three Musketeers," and it's true, the book is always better than the candy
Ed Hardy makes the "find the douchebag" game really easy.
An old man said "Erasers r made 4 those who make mistakes." A youth replied "Erasers r made 4 those who r willing 2 correct their mistakes!!" Attitude matters!!
I bet girls on facebook with the duck faces look for men that make a lot of bread.
my thong is trying to get to 5th base
Life isn't worth living for, unless you have something worth dying for. 