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onder what all those old mom's think now when they remember telling their little boys, eat all your Wheaties and you'll grow up to be a big strong man like Bruce Jenner? The irony is, Bruce Jenner is now an old mom. 
"WTH, I can't seem to parallel park anymore" - Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner
I hold my wife's hand in the mall. Not because it's romantic but more because it's economical. It keeps her from shopping.
Welcome back Marty McFly...and Dr. Emmett Brown ...Great scott.!!!
If you're too scared to dump somebody take them to ikea.
a good woman will always forgive you when she's wrong
It is so cold out my wife is looking forward to her next hot flash.
Am I the only one who gets disappointed pulling up next to a Kia Soul and there isn't a hamster driving it. . .
1944: 18-year-olds storm beaches, jump from planes, charge into almost certain death. 2016: 18-year-olds need a safe place. Because words do hurt.
That was the best news conference that Obama has ever held, about all the police officers shot recently. Said no one ever...
No babe, don't send me the nude pictures. Send me a picture of your medicine cabinet. I'd like to know what kind of psycho I'm dealing with...
Im going to write bad checks at Target because I identify myself as a billionaire....Shame on my bank for restraining me from what I'm destined to be!
Facebook is now a place full of whiny Bernie supporters waiting to be offended with whatever Hillary promises.
I'd like to congratulate Hillary Clinton on clinching the Democratic nomination. Does anyone have her personal email address?
Just looking at the snow angels I made. I'm definitely going to the gym tomorrow!
The Packers did a discount double choke on Sunday
Yes I am a fan , a huge fan of inappropriate behavior.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
My wife told me I had a great face for radio. That wasn't nice. At least my ex's said nice things about me, they said I was better in bed then most my friends
Paper shouldn't beat rock -- maybe smooth jazz fusion or contemporary country, but that's it. 