Funny Status Messages

   If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be a freakin' Jimi Hendrix

   They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!

   flights booked, lawyer called, cars ordered, mansion picked out.....now I just need my lotto numbers to hit!!!

   ‎9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

   could care less about the color, as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.

   not having any fun unless he is doing something immoral, illegal, dangerous, or fattening.

   Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?..............Neither did I. I was just asking.

   you only live once, but if you live it right, once is enough.

   Be Poor... Its Cheaper :)

   LeBron needs to eat a Snickers. He's playing like Betty White out there.

   I'm super sick, and while I don't need anyone to nurse me back to health but I'd like someone to pick up my tissues and let me be mean to them..

   Scientists developed a new car that can run on water. Only catch is, it has to be water from the Gulf of Mexico.

   Starbucks is a terrible place to meet women. Everytime you buy them a drink they get more and more...alert......and talkative.

   I see they now have wedding dresses made completely out of toilet paper. Well, at least you'll be prepared when your marriage turns to $**t.

   pretty soon, Americans are going to be e-mailing Nigerians about depositing money electronically...

   Red cups..helping the youth get their buzz on for over 30 years

   How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?

   Happy Easter to all of my Chicks and Peeps!

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   If you're talking on your cell phone in a public bathroom, I will flush the toilet over and over so your friend knows *exactly* where you are.