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hates shoving snow...is there an app for that? 
Winter always reminds to think ahead for the springtime...meaning...gotta find somewhere to hide the bodies when the snow thaws.......
The dogbone cutout cookies didn't exactly keep their shape after baking. What am I going to do with 12 dozen double pe#is shaped cookies?
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robs tip for students #546- Teachers know when you're texting. Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles
Sometimes, I think facbook doesn't know me at all. People You May Know? I don't know any of these MoFo's!!!
There's plenty of room for all God's creatures... right next to the mashed potatoes.
Password retrieval question: "What is the square root of a pineapple?" Hack that biatch!
sings "I want to be a hundredaire so freaking bad"
A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"
Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
I read that the first vibrator was created to cure women who had hysteria....So I guess they created the first vacuum hose to cure men high blood pressure...
Due to the amount of spam by a high number of people playing this number game, I will now block/hide every person from my newsfeed who is doing this.. You have killed our newsfeed with personal msgs and spam. This is not twitter, so please stop
decided to stop listenin to the voices in his head..
unfriended several people. Apparently the whole "other people can see what you say on here" concept doesn't resonate with them.
says Real Men of Genius....Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Status Update Checker.
hears the call of a lonely Crown Royal bottle. It's OK little buddy, I'll keep you company...
You know the bars are closing when you see drunk girls in high heels walking down the street with the grace of newborn baby giraffes.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is damn bacteria.
Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper. 