aaron Funny Status Messages

   Sweet potatoes are just regular potatoes that remember birthdays and anniversaries.

   I'm officially changing my TV remote's name to Waldo.

   on the first date, don't let on that the cost of the meal worries you.

   it illegal to put "avenge my death" in your will

   The barman says "we don't serve time travellers in here". A time traveller walks into a bar.

   I think NASCAR would be fun if they added a 92-year old driving the opposite way in a Duster.

   If people could read my mind I'd get punched in the face a lot.

   Hospitals don't like it when you unplug things to charge your phone without asking first

   She fell asleep and as usual, I cleaned my balls with a baby wipe for nothing.

   How much horsepower does your horse have?

   Everytime I hear of someone that was attacked by a shark, I think "didn't they hear the music?"

   I'm only going to waste 23 hours tomorrow.

   I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.

   By definition, shouldn't the word "unique" have zero synonyms in a thesaurus?

   I live and yearn.

   My girlfriend just said, "Your obsession with cats is out of control, so I've packed your bags." I think she's kicking meeeowt.

   I'm sick of having to pick up women's jaws after I walk into rooms.

   Evidently that good samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.

   I bet an air freshener that smells like stale cigarette smoke would last forever.

   I bet Clint Eastwood uses the most badass denture adhesive available.