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The Woman.......A mystery that will never be solved. 
may be having a bad hair day, but it looks like you're having a bad face life.
thinks whoever invented new year resolutions would have sworn every year that he wished he hadn't...
I wonder if Santa's "list" goes from 12/25-12/25, or does the new list start on January 1st? I think we have a few days to be bad that aren't on record...
please don't follow in my footsteps coz I walk into walls
Saying that athiests can't say "OMG" because they're godless is like saying theists can't say "common sense" because they lack it.
discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Boob is the perfect word cux it shows you what it means. Top view -> B ... Front view -> oo ... Side view -> b.
Why does Stevie Wonder love seeded hamburger rolls? Because of the jokes written on top.
Breaking News: Tiger Woods withdraws from the masters after the first hole. At a news conference he claims he dropped out because he's a one hole man now......
I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto
Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and now Amy Winehouse, all died at 27. So only 10 more years of Justin Bieber
Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.
I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!
DIET= Do I Eat That...
I hate married people who act single.
Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter
Lefties eat yellow snow on Winter Solstice.
I had an appointment at the sperm bank today, but I had to call up to say I couldn't come.
I will not apologize for being awesome. 