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I have kleptomania. But when it get's bad,i take something for it. 
to get what we've never had, we must do what we've never done!
I'm already a fan of good times, beer, and women..Why would I want to become a fan of anything else?!
"the always enjoyable giant inflatable beaver?" Bob Costas, you have crossed the threshold of being completely insufferable.
Mythbuster: Homophones were not invented by Alexander Graham Bell's flowery nephew.
life is short. have a ball, better yet have two
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied
Attention all joined-at-the-hip couples: "Inseparable" and "Insufferable" sound alike for a reason.
If at first you don't succeed, you should have done it like I told you to do it in the first place!
"Push for Power" at the Indy 500? Sounds like Mario Kart on the Wii. How long before Helio throws a little red turtle from his car to wipe out the guy in front of him?
has some silly bandz, shaped, well... like circles... trade??
It feels SO GOOD to get things accomplished... or at least I imagine it does. Do something and tell me what it's like.
planning to suprise the IRS next year by filing his 2010 Tax Return by sending a singing telegram.
The pills I take to prevent hangovers never work, because they lure me into a false sense of security and I end up drinking more than modern science can handle.
My train of thought is derailed.
When I see a photo enforced traffic light, I pose and wave as I run it, tons of adoring fans at the county courthouse send me letters.
to all the grandparents that told your kids I hope your kids are as bad as you... well played!
I know you people can't think everyone that messages you is a bouquet of roses. C'mon...tell people what you REALLY think of them. THAT would be more interesting to read!
things to do 2day- 1: get up 2: survive 3: go back to bed
ready to party today with grilled food and family (actually, we're only grilling the food). 