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enjoying the sounds of a 2 year old having a meltdown...so soothing 
Lance Armstrong has denied ever using drugs, but he has admitted pedalling.
I want to be famous and make a cure that saves tens of people!
Manscaping now fully complete!! Waiting on the itching to commence!!
My girlfriend says I'm a bad influence on her kids. Probably because now every time she tells them "Stop," they reply with either "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
10 times out of 9, you'll find me exaggerating about something.
If I were a pharmaceutical company, I'd name my next drug "Magnifizac".
Overly wordy and verbose words are ubiquitous.
In retrospect, I may have spent a little too much time huffing rubber cement in elementary school
Just rubbed the blue dot from the National Enquirer (fingers crossed).
I wasn't planning on going for a run today but then those cops showed up!
Don't let your past tell you how to live your present and future!
For some reason when I look at you, the alt+f4 button appear... Somehow I wonder
I think tonight I'm gonna work on my grammar... Gonna see if I can get drunk enough to type in cursive...
that was one of the longest games of hide-and-go-seek ever.
Auto correct is like having a 4 year old play mad-libs with your email.
My neighbor tried...BUT it is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap!!
Anyone knows at what time the End of the world will be on Saturday? I feel like I owe it to myself to have one nice meal before it starts
If you're not wearing green right now, shuffle your feet on the carpet and touch the screen to receive your "virtual pinch".
thinking of deleting her friends on facebook that get 300,000 or higher on Bejeweled Blitz.. that way I can finally be #1! 