Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.

   wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

   A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.

   Ran two miles. Ate two brownies. I regret nothing.

   just read that NASA is doing a $10 million dollar study to see if there are any dangers in a woman suffering from PMS to have her mentstrual cycle in zero gravity.... Hell yeah there are dangers. In a weightless enviorment, the physco b!tches can FLY

   My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.

   tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...

   The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.

   "No big lifestyle change for Lindsay Lohan. She'll still be hanging around the bars"

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   Can't get over the irony that they actually serve milk at "Hooters"

   can't stop sneezing because I'm allergic to your BS....

   they say eating fish makes you smarter, but the only ones you eat are the ones dumb enough to get caught

   says - just when you think all your ducks are in a row, someone comes along and shoots one of them

   If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

   wonders what would happen if someone fell down the stairs while leaving an injury lawyers office..

   just found out there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken!!!!! I guess there is no point in eating HASH browns is there?

   All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...

   I'm perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos...a beautiful disaster.

   Remember, A hard punch can often be used as a secret weapon to secure victory in an intellectual debate.