Funny Status Messages

   I'm perfectly imperfect, beautiful in my flaws, sure of my insecurities, absolute chaos...a beautiful disaster.

   Remember, A hard punch can often be used as a secret weapon to secure victory in an intellectual debate.

   Trust is like a piece of paper,once its crumpled it cant be perfect!

   you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning

   Introducing 'Lite': the new way to spell 'Light'; but with twenty per cent fewer letters

   What's another word for word?

   I sympathize a lot with Darth Vader because he had so much trouble juggling career and family.

   Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: "This one had insurance. Don't kill him."

   hates when his hand falls asleep, it usually means it's going to be up all night

   If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

   wonders what would happen if someone fell down the stairs while leaving an injury lawyers office..

   just found out there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken!!!!! I guess there is no point in eating HASH browns is there?

   "The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."

   without a doubt the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.

   ‎7-11 is developing a new wine.. It's said to pair well with poor life choices and sadness

   "No big lifestyle change for Lindsay Lohan. She'll still be hanging around the bars"

   Women spend 2% of their lives trying to figure out where bruises on their legs came from

   If your New Year's resolution involves less drinking, debauchery or cursing, then it involves less of me.

   just spent my Saturday watching commercials on AMC interupted by 10 minutes segments of movie..

   You're 10 years old and have a laptop, iPod and BlackBerry. Dude when I was 10 I had pokemon cards.