Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
its hump day and I wanna be on top 
I'm a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
NO!! I will not join your gym club until you put in vending machines for BEER!!!
Dear Reality, I've a list of people you forgot to slap!
Dear Google Maps, Please extend your street view to the rural parts of the country. I'm trying to find out which field I left my virginity in. Sincerely, anonymous
Lets AGREE to DISAGREE.. because you're too f*ckin stupid to understand me!
Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..
RJ Just changed his relationship status to " It doesn't have to be that complicated Let's just drink and get naked And see what happens"
Am I the only one who watches prescription drug commercials and while they are listing the side effects like, dementia, loss of vision, and thoughts of suicide, suddenly think of an ex?
I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans. But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.
If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow, I am just going to shut down...
When you're waiting for him in his T-shirt, it's cute. But when he's waiting for you in your T-shirt, it's time to start worrying.
it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!
Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check... Horny campers, that's easy!
They tried to make me go to rapture and I said no, no, no.
If you have to ask why I don't like you, you just answered your own question.
All Right.unless you are a cup of coffee stay outa my face for the next hour!
Got this great new calorie counting app. Each day I go for a new high score.
Sorry I'm not rioting, my tracksuit is in the wash.
I do not like them in my inbox. I do not like them from a blond fox. I do not like your webcam spam. I do not like them, Scam I Am. 