g0re Funny Status Messages

   Since Congress declared that pizza is a vegetable you wouldn't be surprised if they made mayonnaise an instrument

   Waking up after a night out and knowing you could write The Hangover 3.

   Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you

   I hate that awkad moment when a dumb b!tch likes a Facebook page called "I Hate Dumb B!tches."

   BIRTH: It goes in like a banana and comes out like a pineapple.

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies

   Haters gon' hate, potatoes gon' potate.

   People in relationships are usually can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   I hate it when you're trying to watch proactive commercials but MTV shows keep interrupting.

   .I texted my girlfriend saying who sang 'Party Rock Anthem'. She replied 'LMFAO'. I don't get what's so funny?

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."

   We all have that one class where when you're absent, you feel like you've missed a year when you come back.

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.

   Napoleon is the only Dynamite that is never going to bang.

   I'm pretty sure Dora the Explorer is teaching kids the wrong idea, because I tried rapist no raping the other day…. It didn't go well.

   Jesus can walk on water. Humans are 75% water. I can walk on humans. Therefore, I am 75% Jesus,

   easy but criticizing gently on it shows the mark of a sensible personality.

   Firetrucks and ambulances would be much more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song Move B!tch by Ludacris..

   You can never think of any changes or improvements to your essay until AFTER you print it out.

   I liked your post...until this happened :) xD lol <3 <33!