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looking for nudist beaches in Google Earth 
I used to call my ex wife 'Treasure.' It wasnt because she was precious to me. It was because everybody kept asking where I dug her up from.
farts with the sole purpose of making you smell better
it's hotter than two mice f*cking in a wool sock!
Attn BP: When this is all over, will the Gulf of Mexico be regular, midgrade or premium?
I was very ambitious about achieving goals until I learned you can just go to bars and lie to people.
Wonders: If an astronaut drives a Saturn and a pimp drives an Escort, does a proctologist drive a brown Probe?
Just face it.... 9 out of 10 of your facebook friends would never be your friend in real life.
- Rumor has it that Terrance and Phillip will be lighting the Olympic Flame tonight in Vancouver.
I bet curling atheletes have dirty houses. When they get home,they must think "Screw this. I do enough sweeping at work!"
his HOME button must be broken. I keep pressing it but I'm still at work.
the only thing not covered by the new health care bill is busting your ass
Would rather tell a thousand truths and draw a thousand tears, than a lie, and see a thousand forged smiles.
misses the good old days of giving a box of heart's saying I want to get down with you in so many words!"
There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead
believes the difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'
No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$
If I ever met Sammy Hagar, I would have to ask: "What would happen if scientists found a SECOND way to ROCK?"
life is a book.with .many chapters some are hard to get through some are easy but you have to keep turning the page to get to the next adventure..
thinking Starbucks should come out with a Venti Cafe Mocha Xanax Rum STFU 