Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Men dont lie; they just tell you what you want to hear. 
I want to wish all the women out there a Happy International Woman's Day!! I plan on celebrating it by giving money to Charity...and Candy...and Mercedes...and the other one usually on stage 4...
I have to admit... I've learned quite a bit about Egyptians over the past week... For example, I was very surprised to see how Egyptians really walk.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
some days, its not even worth chewing through the restraints.
My parents had a weird perspective on raising me. The day they brought me home from the hospital when I was born, they put a sign on my bedroom door: "Checkout Time is 18 years."
I just had a SPIDER try webbing down on me this morning in the shower. Let me tell you, that'll kill a morning wood REAL quick!
I've got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
man you should have seen this girl walking past me she said " omg your so hot I want you now" if you don't believe me ask Brad Pitt he was behind me.
You usually don't care what other people are saying until they start whispering.
We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers. They would call it On Anon Anon.
It's kinda sad that 98% of the population can only correctly use a semicolon if they're trying to digitally wink at somebody.
When a girl says, "you have to watch this it's sooo funny, it made me pee my pants"-- I know I'm in for 2 minutes of suck.
Someone told me to get over myself so I did a backflip, but then I just landed in more AWESOME!
When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'
My New Year's Resolution? 1080p.
Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus
The #1 biggest lie from a girl: I'm fine...
For me? Golf is a lot like women..... if she isn't holding my wood, she better be holding an iron.
If your happy and you know it, Go away 