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It's not my fault when I open my mouth words come out 
let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'
You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.
President Obama called for the immediate cessation of hostilities in Gaza today. He went on to warn that if there isn't a peace treaty signed by both sides on his desk by the end of the week, that he has a phone and a pen. "My Will Be Done" -- B. Hussein
I stopped playing UNO with the Mexicans ,They Cheat They keep stealing all the Green Cards !!
2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...
Real Fact : white girl driving...black guy passenger seat
I saw a homeless guy in a dumpster today. Why would anyone throw away a perfectly good person?
Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".
the person your mom warned you about!
It was the busta rhymes,,, It was the wursta rhymes
"Slow, I say a-slow! Slow ride, I say. Take it easy now, I say, a-take it real easy, now I say." -Foghat Leghorn
I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl...and I kept saying to myself "Don't get an erection , Don't get an erection"....But she did
I haven't heard a single zebra complain about that lion getting shot.
Snooki is coming out with her new line of perfume, for when you want to smell like shame, selt-tanner, and herpies.
It's now being reported that two earthquakes hit the New Jersey area. In other words, Snooki fell twice.
If your rent is paid, your cell service isn't shut off, your neighbour has paid his wi-fi bill and you got weed money, then you have your sh*t together.
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.
I walked passed the fridge earlier an thought I heard the BeeGees, when I opened the door it was only a chive talking.
Dear Parents, How do you expect kids to listen to you when: Tarzan lives half naked. Cinderella comes back at midnight. Pinocchio lies all the time. Aladdin is the king of thieves. Batman drives at 320km/h. Sleeping beauty is lazy. Snow white sleeps with 