doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   likes calling Ketchup, "meatloaf hot fudge".

   Dont get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.

   How can you just assume that a gallon of whiskey a day has a negative effect on my life?

   So what your saying Chick-Fil-A, you will not be sponsoring Men's Olympic Racewalking.

   sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.

   Monday Morning. Kind of woke up needing Viola Davis to tell me you is kind you is smart you is important.

   If you haven't celebrated Cinco de Mayo with a sink full of Mayo while each person bobbs for Mexican midgets than you are doing it wrong.

   Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *

   Reflecting on my life... I'm really surprised I haven't been shot in the face.

   So my Twitter machine started making this odd noise and vibrating and the words "Incoming Call" were on my screen. What the hell is THAT?!?!

   I think of my whole day as "puttering around before bed".

   Don't worry altar boys, I'm sure this new pope will be as admirable & honest as the last couple guys.

   Sorry I pee peed all over your bathroom, but my Shakira ringtone came on and my hips reacted naturally.

   has finish with the Wild Turkey on the rocks for lunch, and moved on to Grey Goose straight up for Thanksgiving Dinner. this is just Fowl

   I just read that the Actor who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter said he is going to become a rapper! .... can we all say Expecto Disapointmento!

   Dear Liver: thank you for being a most gracious and forgiving blood filter. Love, me.

   noticed that Mick Jager and Hugh Hefner sure are looking alot these days

   Every time I concentrate real hard, it starts to smell like incense.

   So what if you have a boyfriend! You don't see me going up to people in wheelchairs reminding them that they can't walk!