SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   It's hard to be optimistic about the future when you go to YouTube and see how many people videotape their TV.

   They should put mini M&M's inside regular ones and make M&M's Pregnants.

   I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number.

   I'm not just great in bed. I'm great other places, too.

   Wait, it's "let it go"? I thought it was, "If you love something, drop it off a building." Boy, have I been doing that wrong.

   If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.

   If I opened a strip club I would have the girls wear BBQ scented perfumes. So when guys came home they could say they were at a Steak House.

   I think that the term "wife beater" wins the award for most Widely accepted unacceptable phrase.

   "Use As Directed" is just a personal challenge to my creativity.

   The best things in life are free……for the first 90 days.

   Women find it rude if you blatantly want to sleep with them. But they find even ruder if you don't.

   There's too much emphasis put on winning in life. I'm just trying for a participation ribbon.

   I'm A Smart Person….I just do stupid things.

   If I could live in any time period, it would have to be a mix of the 50s and the 80s and the future. So, Back to the Future Pt 2, basically.

   In porn, large breasted women home alone order a LOT of pizza and never have money. They've lots to learn about nutrition & cash management.

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for you. 4. You're welcome!

   Time heals everything... except a stupid tattoo.

   No one at work will question the handful of pills you are swallowing if you just say that it's what keeps you from murdering them all.

   it's summer, the kids are home. I should just accept that everyday the house is gonna look like Bourbon Street on Monday morning.