LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   "GATES PLEDGES $10 BILLION FOR VACCINES." Hope it's to fight viruses in windows.

   Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead.

   why does a woman have two sets of lips? One to argue with the other to apologize.

   ..doesn't go looking for trouble. She knows exactly where to find it!

   When I say I drive like lightning,it's not because I drive fast. It's because I hit a lot of trees.

   wonders if when people write "..had an interesting weekend ;) ", that they really mean "had a weekend watching tv and eating cheesy puffs but I wont let you know how sad I am"?

   I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.

   Dilemma: Do I wash all my dishes or should I eat my cornflakes in a cup with a knife?

   ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?

   Naomi Campbell should take up golf because she's really good at hitting the driver.

   The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in.

   ..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x

   Girls are like horoscopes,,they always tells us what to do and they are always wrong !!!

   I love to eat Bran Flakes in the morning. I guess i'm just a regular girl.

   What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.

   How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.

   My grandmother has false teeth. I can't believe a word she says.

   If you want to buy some marijuana,press the hash key now.

   Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.

   Don't think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Think of it as a toilet seat for the Pentagon.