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Socialism works so well, people build boats from trash to escape it. 
The internet is blowing up over the first lady's shoes?? Is this what we've come to in America??
I'm sure those pesky Russians are behind these hurricanes!!
sn't gonna buy the new i-pad......I hear next years version is coming with wings....I can wait! :-)
...didn't even know that Lindsay Lohan was addicted to milk. I thought it was crack...
Spent the whole day checking items off my task list. In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks
just pressed the REFRESH Button of her life, and Wowww it feels great :D
saw a one armed man in a second hand store the other day.
Ok, does it make me too competitive, if I begin deleting friends solely because I can not beat their Bejeweled and or Family Feud scores?
I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn't mind driving a tractor around.
If your hips roll over the top of your pants then they're TOO SMALL! just sayin
Dear woman behind the counter at CVS: I want to thank you for snickering when I was buying tampons for my wife, it made the situation just a little more akward!
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?
my friend told me he just got a new walk-in shower so I had to ask, how the hell did you get in it before?
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
You know you've been facebooking too much when you're watching TV and you try to unfriend a channel.
When I see someone using a payphone I always think they're arranging the ransom drop off. 