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I really don't mind getting up and going to work every day. It's the part about staying there for 8 hours that I have a problem with. 
Listen here, people trying to figure out a "healthy snack" to give to trick or treaters. You cut that s*** out *right* now.
only giving out chocolate covered caramel to trick or treaters cause that's how I "Rolo".
Hello there, dear. I see that you've dressed up as Daddy Issues again this year. Allow me to help...
I count breathing as exercise.
Women are motivated when they feelloved,Adored,Cherished...Men are simple. They are motivated when they feel....Women!
I hate people who tell me to calm down when I am not even pi$$ed.
Since the commercial, I've always wanted to jump on a Tempur-pedic bed with a glass full of wine.
Forget about wanting a *dislike* button added to Facebook. I want the ability to toilet paper someone's wall.
My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.
How the hell you got over 12,000 tweets, with only 15 followers? Who the hell you talking to?
The walk of shame at the store when you have to put something back because you cant afford it.
i got addicted to nicotine gum..now I smoke trying to kick the habbit...
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now & then...
Valentines Day is almost here! I still can't find my handcuffs and whip!!
I was grateful for the fact that Facebook now groups similar posts (i.e. "10 of your friends posted about Valentine's Day"), so I can just skip past them. Unfortunately, I have friends that can't spell 'Valentine'. LOL
In a court of law you're innocent until proven guilty. In a relationship you're guilty until proven innocent.
Went to Wal-Mart in my painting clothes today....still the best dressed person in there.
Just imagine how fast church would go if Busta Rhymes was the preacher
The leading cause of depression is reality. 