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I have a new philosophy to foster peace and harmony in the universe: GIVE ME WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. 
went to his first gambling anonymous meeting last night.. They gave me 2:1 odds that I won't make it...
understands this whole concept of cooking and cleaning. What I don't understand, and has not been sufficiently explained, was how this all applies to me or why I should even try?
The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..
TWILIGHT: Turning the bloodthirsty undead into a bunch of wussies for over three quarters of a decade.
all I have to say is ..... HADOUKEN
Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."
Pizza+Coke+Double Chocolate Fudge=Life is good!!;)
very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.
I would like to give you a piece of my mind, but this is my last piece.
A headache: Not how I expected to start my weekend... I was thinking more of ENDING it with one!
In new tape, Bin Laden 'furious' that Brian Wilson has scarier beard.....
Why be the doctor when you can be the patient? Why cook the food when you can eat it? Why drive the car when you can sit shot-gun? all these are reasons why I enjoy watching other people work.
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.
“I was at Arby's the other day and I thought, ‘Oh sh*t, I should take someone's order.”
Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" has obviously never seen me doing nothing.
laughing at "suggested" friends that he will never be friends with
They should change the name from "Girls Gone Wild" to "Girls Got Drunk!!!"
It may be surprising to know that hippos are the cause of more deaths in the wild than any other animal, but you can't say you weren't warned just how hungry they were. 