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If you get any dumber, you might wanna put your helmet on. 
Most memorable quote by a mother: "Waldo, just where the hell have you been?"
Who drinks only one beer? Mrs. Bud Light needs a companion in my belly and she likes to speed date.
If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.
taking off the 'friends' on facebook that have never liked my status . If you can't show in public that you don't agree with me on anything, well what kind of 'friend' are you ?!
By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!
I washed my car today, just so the birds could have a clean place to $hit...
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Worse: With corrections
TIPS FOR SUCCESS WITH WOMEN: (1) Don't be ugly. Should you be Ugly, Dont be Broke!
For those men who don't pee in the shower, I SALUTE you!!
Ever look at a pic someone posted and think sarcastically to yourself "Imagine that."
my body is no longer my temple, it's more like a bar and grill.
celebrating black history month by wearing all cotton clothes
I have a dream that one day I'll be able to go to work and get a pay check that 35 percent doesnt go to people that have no jobs and do nothing but smoke weed. I cant wait til November.
Kill that blower or blow that killer.... Whatever
How many men does it take to open a beer? None...it should be open when she brings it to ya.
informing you that 95% of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5% that would shout Jump!!
FREE TIBET! *Offer only valid with purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value. Void where prohibited"
I just watch a damn naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.
If only you guys were as good as telling jokes as you were at trashing our country's President. 