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I wonder if tennis ballboys brag about their "gets" to each other. "You see that? I grabbed the $hit out of that ball! School's in session, boys. I am lightning!" 
I've heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon
no retreat no surrender no compromise no going back
you'll always be my hero. even though you've lost your mind
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the church.
The hot nurse wants to take a blood sample. If I can get some back into my veins, I'll oblige her.
was about to put on my white jeans then realized it's after Labour Day. Phew, what a fashion mistake that would have been. I put on my acid washed jeans and leg warmers instead.
Hello Network Solutions, we have a problem.
sitting in a tree outside your bedroom window, waiting for you to get home...
fears dying alone. Which is why she plans on taking some of you with her. :D
will not be your emotional tampon
Doesnt Need Drugs She's Naturally Retarded
decided that he's not gonna lower his standards to raise yours!!!
Why do farmers always put their gates right next to the muddiest parts of the field?
suggests to those interviewing for a job, not to ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
doesn't mind you talk behind his back, just make sure while you're back there that you kiss his butt too.
Why aren't martini glasses shaped so that they don't spill so easily on the express bus?
: God must have facebook...everyone seems to pray on it
Thankful for Mr. Austin Nichols...... you taught me that some people have faith, some have a strong will, but I have your Wild Turkey to get me through.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles? 