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I am the luckiest person in the world. Everyday I get a mail from Yahoo & MSN that I have won a lottery... 
One hair on your head is not enough...but one hair in your food is too much.
"Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you." "So is a grenade!"
REALLY in the matrix......would I know though?
“Hey. What do I do again?” -- Me greeting my boss every Monday morning.
Sometimes I'd rather be home by myself then have to hang out with my friend's friends.
I find Reality tv very educating... Every time somebody turns on a show, I go into the other room and read a book...
Interesting Factoid: Tall people earn $789 per year per inch more than shorter people.
how can I miss you if you won't go away?
I will always cherish the nice things I assume you are saying about me.
Has The Power To Make you read my status!! :D
the nashnul spelling bee champion
I've never been to Long Island... but I've had their ice tea so many times I feel like they owe me bail money.
it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious!
Many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
my pants are like a cheap hotel, no ballroom
Shake N' Bake
Lindsay Lohan's upcoming film could be derailed by her failed drug tests. That is, unless her acting gets to it first.
I really would've liked the movie about Facebook a whole lot more if it wasn't full of Farmville invites
just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!! 