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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. 
always relates everything he does with sports even when he's not watching or playing sports, well if anyone wants to know the score for today's game it was the Lawnmowers 42, Frogs 0."
Researchers at the university of Minnesota have linked tanning beds to brain damage. They were able to do this after watching only one episode of "Jersey Shore".
Happy fathers day to all you dads out there. ADVICE: Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. :)
thinks the fastest way to being happy is to make others happy. You go first.
going to have to start following my brain. Clearly, my heart is an idiot.
Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway.
Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway
stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
Stubbing your toe is only a light switch away.
Can we go one day without hearing about the Vikings drama! Moss, Favre, Childress, Harvin, etc.... Fire Childress and get it over with Ziggy! He sucks as a coach anyway.
thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."
Typos: The cause of many trivial arguments.
I consider gluttony my patriotic duty today.
sum girls r made of suga and spice...my girls r made of vodka and ice!!
when life hands you apples, make apple juice!....or I guess you could just eat the apples, its really your call
glad Justin brought sexy back, I didn't mean to scare it away to begin with.
likes long walks on the beach,nights spent on a beanbag infront of a good movie, and sometimes in private likes to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockeystick!
no matter how many years go by I still always end up getting banished to the kid table.
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. ~Jane Wagner 