Funny Status Messages

   Dating is a great way remind yourself that dying alone isn’t that bad.

   It doesn’t feel like I’m getting older. It’s more like my warranty has expired.

   My fitness trainer asked what kind of squats I’m accustomed to doing. I said, Diddly.

   Mike Hunt is itchy

   When they can no longer control you, they will try to control what others think of you.

   Got a new book, “How to make gasoline at home.”

   When she’s telling you all about her problems. Sounds like you need some D.

   The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.

   Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

   If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.

   Want to get back on your feet? Miss two car payments.

   When she kisses you goodnight, but only on the forehead. “You forgot the pickle.”

   When you’re on your 8th “dam, that’s crazy,” and they’re still telling you their story.

   When you click “accept cookies,” but then you don’t get any cookies.

   God Bless Rednecks! Merica!

   Mike Hunt is wet

   A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.

   There is no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize sharing a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

   Eating spaghetti and my white shirt is like, “let me taste it.”

   Saw a store sign that read, “We treat you like family.” Well, NOT going in there.