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Page: 229 of 5577
I was eating Oreos, and I was dunking one in milk and the cookie broke and sank to the bottom. So now I'm just sitting here, staring at the glass and wondering why bad things happen to good people.
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08-02-2012 12:12 by
StonerDudee
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The government did not write the constitution to give rights to the people. The people wrote the constitution to limit the government's power.
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01-12-2013 09:01
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Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport..
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10-28-2010 11:07 by
The Piper
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I hate people that say " He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say " He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."
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12-09-2010 21:41 by
momzadork
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Thinks that Facebook should change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"
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01-23-2011 11:16 by
Will
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Admit it, atleast once in our life, we all have tried to balance the light switch in between the on and off position
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08-10-2011 12:00
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Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
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10-18-2011 18:21 by
Dani
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I was on a plane today. The stewardess said, "would you like some headphones?" I said, "sure, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
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12-08-2011 05:32 by
The piper
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I Dont Care If You're A Gangster, Pull Up Your Pants Please!
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03-26-2010 16:11 by
Samir Momin
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Few things raise suspicion like a black guy in a Mercedes with a ski rack.
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01-15-2013 22:04 by
Space Monkey
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The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
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09-24-2012 08:33 by
SEAN
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Please don't say "Firecracker". It's very offensive. It is a Fire Caucasian. Thank you.
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06-27-2013 14:52 by
truebeachbabe
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They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
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05-22-2013 00:46 by
Zinc
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says the sad part of being strong is that nobody bothers to ask when you're hurt.
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01-11-2010 11:04 by
bot
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Better days are coming. They're called Saturday and Sunday.
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03-12-2010 09:48
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There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
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12-16-2010 13:25 by
Marshall the Great
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I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway
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05-16-2010 21:59 by
paulb808
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1
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All I did was walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch and now my name is Trent, my shirt is off, and I'm really into shell necklaces.
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04-14-2012 14:47 by
SuthernFukr
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I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."
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09-19-2011 11:15 by
SuthernFukr
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when I was a little kid, we didn't have cool video games to occupy us for hours... if I had a ROCK and a roll of CAPS...It was a Good Day!
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02-09-2011 12:26 by
Tommy Chevelle
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