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When I was younger I use to slide bak and forth in the bathtub to make waves 
NAMES: I bet you 10 times out of 10, guys with names like Ricky, Vinnie. Tony, Eddie will beat the sh*t out of guys with names like Kyle, Blaine, Brent, Cecil
"I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you picked up a little Mexícan girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'" @____@
I want all my Facebook friends to comment on this status, sharing how you met me. But, I want you to LIE. That's right, just make it up. After you commentf, copy and paste to your wall so I can do the same. I bet HALF won't read the instructions right.
twinkle twinkle little snitch...mind your own business you nosey b!tch
The thing I hate most about make-up sex is getting the nail polish and lipstick off my ball$.
"I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies
I never tip restroom attendants because they already got to listen to me poop, and you can't really put a price on that.
The best part about this status update is that by the time you've finished reading it you realize that there is absolutely no point to it
sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.
maybe Tiger Woods' relationship status should say "it's really complicated"
I was driving yesterday and I saw one of those Pokemon things and ran over it. Or maybe it was a BLM protester. Not sure.
Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."
Loving my new underwear...at least somethings gripping my ass
If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least 4 hours but a food shortage after..LOL
2 men went inside a bar.I was one of them.I dont remember anything else.
We met for a reason, either you're a blessing or a lesson.
lost his teddy bear... Will you sleep with me?
Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!
If I had to pick which Kevin Bacon movie I like the most, It would be a tie,.... between all of them 