Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 222 of 5593

   messageicon Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
←Rate | 02-02-2011 21:46 by Abbybaby34 Comments (1)  


   messageicon On the outside, I may appear like an emotionless sarcastic jerk, but just like an onion, when you peel off more layers, you find the exact same thing every single time and you start crying.
←Rate | 10-01-2012 11:08 by bebee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
←Rate | 03-29-2011 19:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear lady in front of me , It is a speed bump , not a freaking land mine
←Rate | 05-09-2011 07:22 by Banjaxed Comments (1)  


   messageicon You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Take photos of friends with their face squished against glass. Assign to your phone contacts... it'll look like they're trapped inside your phone!
←Rate | 01-22-2011 21:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'd be scared if a 400lb glass of koolaid came bursting into my house......
←Rate | 04-05-2010 15:51 by Samir Momin Comments (4)  


   messageicon I was making dinner when a pan suddenly caught on fire. I don't know which is worse... the fact that I almost set my kitchen ablaze, or the fact that my first reaction was to move my beer to safety.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:59 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon At the grocery store, they usually have 6 check out lanes open, unless it's really busy, then they only use one.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 14:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I put you there.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 08:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you "Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more".
←Rate | 02-29-2012 15:35 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when you click a thumbnail to view a larger picture but the picture ends up being the same size as the thumbnail.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 03:06 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
←Rate | 09-05-2012 16:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
←Rate | 11-22-2011 14:16 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've currently got the higest eBay bid on Detroit.
←Rate | 07-19-2013 13:50 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
←Rate | 07-19-2012 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon North Korea is becoming like that one person on your friend list that always threatens to close their FB account from lack of attention...
←Rate | 04-03-2013 20:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
←Rate | 07-15-2014 04:37 by andrew jackson Comments (3)  


   messageicon Teacher: where is your homework? Student: I uploaded it on Facebook and I tagged you in it.
←Rate | 08-03-2011 14:10 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left