doc noland Funny Status Messages

   If you can sing Jingle Bells without jiggling your "gentleman's sausage" then you're way more mature than me.

   It's just amazing how much has changed since we got bin Laden.

   It pours the Whiskey on its liver or else it gets the hose again

   Of course someone else packed my bags for me. What am I a peasant?

   Can you imagine what the Clapper would have acted like in the Three Stooges House... a strobe light?

   Charlie Sheens Interview was like watching Tom Arnold, Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox all rolled into one human.

   My forearm tattoo is just this Pringles can I cant get off my arm.

   Instead of calling it a "Gatorade Shower" we should call it "Electrolyte Bukkake"

   dances with the devil in the pale moon light.

   Just woke up, took the Lemon out of his mouth, removed the belt from around his neck and headed into work.

   Sometimes when an attractive woman starts talking to me I forget how to speak and just start doing lunges.

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??

   I'd rather take it doggy from Liberace on my grandmothers gravesite while Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth is playing than watch Twilight.

   Correct me if I am wrong but if your white, is it no longer cool to get beads braided into your pubic hair?

   "And when there was only one set of footprints, that was when I was off hiring a more talented quarterback to replace you" - God to Tebow

   Kansas "Dust in the Wind" came on the air while I was looking for a Frozen Dinner for ONE. God wants me Dead!

   Walked into 5 spider webs during my evening walk, so 5 times I pantomimed putting out a flaming ski mask.

   Sometimes you have to drop a baby to establish dominance.

   hates Pro Football, but I watched Betty White and Abe Vigoda in a backyard football game....Damn!..They sure can take a tough hit. Not like the NFL players.

   She said I was never "romantic". I said just two words. "Morning. Wood."