SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Shouting "Ewok porn!" during a brainstorming session is neither "productive" nor "funny" apparently.

   Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.

   Pumpkin-Picking Tip: Don't let those hillbilly monsters that run the place lure you into the tractor shed.

   Internet connection failed!: □ Wait patiently. ✔ Rape the refresh button.

   Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.

   Apparently I am attracted to women who have big jugs. Of pepper spray.

   Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old… as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

   The plot in 16 Candles wouldn't work now because Facebook would remind everyone it was Molly Ringwald's birthday.

   Just decked the halls. Let that be a warning to halls everywhere.

   Sometimes I take the bus instead of drive because there aren't usually 11 hot Mexican chicks in my car.

   Don't underestimate me, That's my family's job.

   Person just said they can't wait for technology to beamed them cross country instead of flying. I see it now Error 404 "Passenger Not Found"

   The festive hustle and bustle of the holiday season sure does bring out the best in no one.

   Groupon's slogan should be: "Nothing you want but at least your inbox isn't empty!"

   I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me.

   Manslaughter: The sound a man makes when laughing.

   Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD.

   Sometimes when a person suddenly has a problem with you, just think the issue isn't really you, it's their meds.

   I used to use expensive, illegal substances to blur the lines of reality. Now, I just take off my glasses.

   "Going commando" can refer to not wearing underpants, rescuing Alyssa Milano from terrorists, or preferably both at once.