Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Do rednecks get fatter so they can have bigger tattoos? 
Sorry, but sleeping with someone named "Stormy" doesn't make you an expert on hurricanes.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
My son is really struggling with english in school. Nobody else in his class can speak it.
Not saying I'm in dire need of affection but the next girl I date better be an octopus on ecstacy.
Buying everyone at the office an@l beads didn't go over very well .
I put the 'me' in camouflage; you just don't see it.
Dude fell at Walgreen's & my CPR training instantly kicked in! Had to hit him with the AED (defibrillator) like three times though, because he kept resisting.........
Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July
What do you call it when 2 guys fight over a slut? Tug-of-whor
When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again.
Live each day like it is your last. Murmuring regrets and occasionally spitting up blood
I was dropped when I was little, into a pool of sexy.
Backwards is overrated. I want a girl who'll bend over frontwards for me.
Don't call people "Ugly" because its offensive. Call them facially challenged, it makes you sound smart
Parents, be nice to your children's teachers. They know more about you than you'd ever care to imagine.
Has a strict tag and release policy with cougars
Dear inventor of the spork: I am fully prepared to have my mind blown again, whenever you're ready.
Why do ppl say the new year I'll change, things will better, I'm doing this or that, make resolutions...why do they wait till a new year has begun...you have the ability to change your life any day or month of the year...New Year, big deal....
Things are getting serious with my boyfriend: He is about to introduce me to his wife! #ThatsWhatSheSaid 