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   messageicon Spread your lies elsewhere, turkey bacon.
←Rate | 09-16-2013 14:45 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 20:45 by Daheavy1 Comments (5)  


   messageicon I'd like to give that Baltimore mom 10 min alone with Congress and a wooden spoon.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's be honest. The only reason I listen to my voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear.
←Rate | 07-09-2013 13:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 15:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't wanted a Twinkie in years.... until I was told I couldn't have them anymore.
←Rate | 11-16-2012 10:55 by jacksje4 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tim Tebow is the most talked about white Bronco since the O.J. chase.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 16:53 by mark Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when the police arrive at your job at 9am on a Monday... Its going to be an interesting day.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 09:30 by @Seanathon77 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm "Flintstoning" That mf!
←Rate | 03-15-2012 22:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why I fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 06:33 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR's are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
←Rate | 02-04-2012 13:51 by AMS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got sacked as a bingo caller tonight. Apparently "a meal for two with a terrible view" wasn't the best way to announce the number 69....
←Rate | 02-05-2012 14:00 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 12:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seatbelts to encourage safer driving habits.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 09:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 17:20 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stealing candy from a baby is actually pretty hard....... They always have adult friends nearby....... and they're loud snitches.......
←Rate | 05-07-2012 22:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When at a meeting when the boss says "anyone have any suggestions?" Don't say "inappropriate touch Tuesday"...trust me
←Rate | 06-15-2011 17:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon That rather unflattering moment when she yells, “give it to me now!” when you have been giving it to her to the best of your ability for the past five minutes.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman says "I forgive you", what she really means is "thanks for giving me something to throw in your face the next time I'm losing an argument..."
←Rate | 03-31-2011 21:23 by pepsinut39 Comments (0)  



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