g0re Funny Status Messages

   I used to play sports. Then I realised you can buy trophies.. Now I am good at everything.

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   When someone posts pictures of a dance or something, you always look through them to see if you are in the background.

   the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   If whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then the life of someone who lives there must become a void once they leave town.

   "Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love." sounds a lot better than "let's do it tonight, don't even think about how this will affect our lives later, just sex"

   Just saw a baby that was wearing a shirt that said, "not everything stays in Vegas"

   Alright, buddy, stop scrolling, its time to wipe that as$

   "I wasnt that drunk.." ... "bro you threw my parrot into a wall screaming "ANGRY BIRDS! " @___@

   umm can I have a coke?” “is pepsi ok?” “I dont know is monopoly money ok?”

   When you can't find the remote, all trust is gone. Me: "Have you seen the remote?" Sis: "No??" Me: "Stand the f*ck up!!"

   I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...

   Some people are born mature, and some need it thrust upon them. Tehehe... thrust.

   ou know you're lazy when you don't have any clean bowls so you eat cereal off a plate.

   When someone can't pick you up, it's easier to call them weak than to admit that you're fat.

   What's sad is that December 22, 2012 falls on a Saturday, so you can't go to school and say "Oh, I thought we were all going to die, so I didn't do my homework".

   It seems like medicine manufacturers have never tasted freaking fruit before. Funny, I don't remember cherries tasting like an a$$.

   Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the hell out of their dog.

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" "So is a grenade"